Emotions are for Communicating
February 28th 2007 23:06
I recently went out for a meal with a friend. It was too an Italian Trattoria (whatever that may be), they serve pasta and stuff. But that’s not the point of this story.
The problem was the service. I wanted just an entrée, salad and desert. My friend wanted just a main. There was a communication problem and my meal arrived before my friend’s and then theirs arrived after I’d finished my entrée and salad. So we both ended up watching each other eat. Not the way it should have been.
My friend managed to figure out there had been a major communication problem and that we would probably be eating separately (not what either of us wanted). What to do? Do we try and talk to the waiter or not?
This was a big problem for my friend. Their father had been a very unpleasant person, and had been one of those people who likes to be obnoxious to the staff of restaurants – always wanting special treatment and then complaining anyway, much to the embarassment of his children or anyone else dining with him.
The result being that my friend really did not like the idea of complaining to, or even approaching, the restaurant staff. They were however feeling furious – not just miffed or annoyed, furious! Which they realised was out of proportion to the problem but they were still feeling furious! Perhaps we should leave before her meal arrived, they were so upset by the mix up that their stomach wasn’t in a fit state to digest anyway.
Eventually the food arrived and they voiced that there had been a mix up. The waiter apologised profusely.
Which brings us to the point of this story, as soon as my friend voiced their complaint they felt better. The point of this story is that emotions are to be expressed. We feel better when we communicate our emotion to and with others.
When we are feeling an emotion and don’t seem able to ‘get over it’ one thing to try is expressing it to someone else. You don’t have to tell them what triggered, just how you are feeling. You can even try expressing it just to yourself – into a journal or doing a drawing or performing a symbolic action of some kind. In my experience expressing to another person is more powerful, but expressing our emotion in any way helps.
This doesn’t mean just dumping on others. We can express ourselves with respect for others. And if it is difficult at first, we get better rapidly with practice. To live healthily with our emotions, to let our emotions add vitality to our lives, means expressing them.
The problem was the service. I wanted just an entrée, salad and desert. My friend wanted just a main. There was a communication problem and my meal arrived before my friend’s and then theirs arrived after I’d finished my entrée and salad. So we both ended up watching each other eat. Not the way it should have been.
My friend managed to figure out there had been a major communication problem and that we would probably be eating separately (not what either of us wanted). What to do? Do we try and talk to the waiter or not?
This was a big problem for my friend. Their father had been a very unpleasant person, and had been one of those people who likes to be obnoxious to the staff of restaurants – always wanting special treatment and then complaining anyway, much to the embarassment of his children or anyone else dining with him.
The result being that my friend really did not like the idea of complaining to, or even approaching, the restaurant staff. They were however feeling furious – not just miffed or annoyed, furious! Which they realised was out of proportion to the problem but they were still feeling furious! Perhaps we should leave before her meal arrived, they were so upset by the mix up that their stomach wasn’t in a fit state to digest anyway.
Eventually the food arrived and they voiced that there had been a mix up. The waiter apologised profusely.
Which brings us to the point of this story, as soon as my friend voiced their complaint they felt better. The point of this story is that emotions are to be expressed. We feel better when we communicate our emotion to and with others.
When we are feeling an emotion and don’t seem able to ‘get over it’ one thing to try is expressing it to someone else. You don’t have to tell them what triggered, just how you are feeling. You can even try expressing it just to yourself – into a journal or doing a drawing or performing a symbolic action of some kind. In my experience expressing to another person is more powerful, but expressing our emotion in any way helps.
This doesn’t mean just dumping on others. We can express ourselves with respect for others. And if it is difficult at first, we get better rapidly with practice. To live healthily with our emotions, to let our emotions add vitality to our lives, means expressing them.
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